


Ambivert

by TheEntireFangirl



Category: Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: F/M, I'll probably add more ships/characters late, M/M, What's Levi's last name, holy shit I love Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEntireFangirl/pseuds/TheEntireFangirl
Summary: Cath finds her way into her sophomore year of college much easier than her freshman year. Still, it hurts to leave behind her dad, to leave behind her home.It doesn't hurt to see Levi again every day, to hear him rant about buffalo and bison and cows and bulls, not that Cath knows the difference. It doesn't hurt that this year, Wren lives on the floor above Cath's, with a roommate that isn't Courtney. It doesn't hurt that this year, Nick isn't in any of her classes and she's in Professor Piper's advanced fiction-writing class. It doesn't hurt that, unlike the beginning of freshman year, Cath has a home at her college.There is so much that doesn't hurt, how could anything go worse than last year?Cath thought she was safe.





	1. Chapter 1

There was a boy in her room.

Last year, Cath never would have thought that she would see that face and smile and walk up to kiss him after he set her stuff down on her bed. She never thought she would trace his spine - his delicate, finely carved spine - with her fingers until Wren walked behind her.

"Cather," Levi said when he was finally let up for air. He smelled like college - well, not like college, but like everything she had come to associate with college. Like freedom and happiness and safety.

"Levi," Cath responded, still smiling from ear to ear. Levi just shook his head, smiling an even bigger smile than Cath. He was tan again, and Cath realized that he didn't smell like last year at college - he smelled more . . . rustic. Cath wasn't sure you could use the word rustic to describe a scent, but he definitely smelled more rustic.

Cath had seen him a few times over the summer; each time she hadn't noticed the different scent. It was probably because she had never really smelled Levi anywhere but here, at college, before summer started.

He seemed different, too - he was less weedy and more stalky. That made sense, she supposed, he had been working on a farm all summer.

_Ranch_ , Cath mentally reminded herself, then smiled a little wider because Levi had rubbed off on her, and she was okay with that.

"You smell good," Cath told Levi, and his smile went even wider. (Cath didn't think it was possible. How could a smile that wide get wider?)

"Thank you," he said. "You smell good too."

"Are we going to get more boxes, or are you going to stay here all day?" Wren asked from behind them, and Cath turned to see her sister. Her sister was different from last year in a way that Cath hadn't noticed over the summer. She still wore boots that Cath never would have been courageous enough to wear to anything shy of a wedding, and her neckline dipped too low for Cath's liking, but she wore a red cardigan over her black v-neck, which was a classic Cath move. She must have changed over the summer, and Cath was only realizing it now because she looked so out of place now that she was at college again.

"Let's go get more boxes," Levi said to Cath, grinning. He was always grinning, and last year, Cath had felt like he was trying too hard, giving away too much of himself. Now, Cath just longed for more. She didn't think she could ever get enough.

They rode down the elevator for what seemed like the first time in years.

_Freshman summers_ , she thought. But now time wasn't going in freshman time; Cath and Wren were officially sophomores. Well, they would be in two days.

They got to the car and unloaded boxes - last year, it had been nearly impossible to mix up whose boxes were whose: Wren's had been packed the week before, and they were carefully loaded with as many clothes as possible. Cath's had been packed the night before, with much haste and regret over which posters she did and didn't bring. This year, it was different. Wren and Cath had packed together, dividing up clothes and books and posters was more of a challenge, because Wren finally came out saying that she wasn't as done with Simon Snow as everyone had been led to believe.

"You brought more posters," Levi said as her grabbed a box. Cath had only had three posters last year, because she didn't want to put any up on her wall - only on her corkboard. This year, she was less worried about what other people thought. Her roommate, Reagan, knew about Cath's obsession with Simon Snow, and had a love/hate relationship with it. As in, she loved to hate Simon.

And Cath hadn't said this, either, but she was hoping she could put some up in Levi's room.

Levi's room - the sanctuary, where people didn't kick the door open and ruin her flow when Cath had been writing.

"Yeah, I have more posters," Cath grinned. "I needed more posters. Last year I had a pitiful amount. Baz would have been disappointed."

Levi looked at Cath with a little less smile and a little more playfulness. Before Levi had met Cath, he'd been hoping for an epic battle scene between Baz and Simon to end all other battle scenes. A battle scene where Baz and Simon fought to the death, and good won against evil.

Gemma T. Leslie had given Baz a redemption arc - kinda. Cath was okay with it, it was open for a lot of interpreting and Cath had immediately started a fanfic that gave Baz the redemption arc he deserved, which had hit levels that were off the chart, even for Cath.

Levi, however much he loved hearing Cath read her fanfiction over the phone, was a little sore that there was no epic battle scene.

Cath and Levi went upstairs, and Cath didn't even need to tell Levi how to help her get started - the Simon Snow books were arranged in order of publication on her desk; on her bed, the green pillow rested over the pink one; in her closet, she hung her clothes with pants first, shirts and cardigans next, and then all of her dress clothes. They worked without a word as Cath's dad helped Wren on the floor above.

And when they were done, they all went out to eat.

"I know this great little diner," Levi told her dad as they all piled into the car. Cath and Levi sat in the back, Wren in the passenger's seat and Cath's dad at the wheel. "They have the best corned beef hash." And Cath grinned, because they did have good corned beef hash - and because they bonded over said corned beef hash one of the first times they were alone together.

Cath didn't think about how they had only bonded because Wren had been drunk - that detail didn't matter.

"Sounds good," Cath's dad said, and followed Levi's directions, making conversation with him between turns.

"You really have never had fresh eggs?" Levi asked, even though Cath's dad had already confirmed that. "Okay, that's it. Sometime I have to get you fresh eggs. During the summer, we have way more eggs than we know what to do with, even after selling them to our neighbors. Well, don't think of it that way, you have too many neighbors. I have, like, nine in a seventy-mile radius."

Cath's dad laughed. "Okay," he said. "I'll try your eggs."

And Levi smiled, because that's what Levi did best.

Cath and Levi sat together at dinner, holding hands under the table and sharing a corned beef hash. It was better than Cath could have made it - and she was pretty good with most breakfast foods. So that said a lot.

And after their dad went back to Omaha and Wren went up to her room, Reagan wasn't there yet - Reagan was getting there a day later than Cath - and Levi and Cath sat on her bed, kissing and talking and just laying there. Cath didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay there forever - but Levi had to work in the morning, so Levi left so he would have time to sleep.

Cath wrote a thousand words that night, and she was so happy. It didn't even matter that she hadn't been writing fanfiction, but an original work.

* * *

Cath and Wren ate breakfast the next morning together, going over their schedules and what classes they had together and where they could meet and when they had time to do it. Technically, Wren still had to go home every weekend because of the bad case of alcohol poisoning she had gotten last year, but they worked around that, putting their schedules as close together as they could. They had way more classes this year than the year before.

Cath almost felt bad about not sitting there with Reagan, making fun of the freshmen and weirdos. Cath supposed that she would probably start eating meals with Reagan and Wren - and that they would both have to get used to it. But they were both outgoing enough, and Reagan definitely didn't expect much out of Wren after seeing how Cath was, that Cath figured they would make find friends. Maybe even become friends aside from Cath.

"Do you have any classes with Levi?" Wren asked. Cath shrugged, taking a drink of tomato juice. She hadn't had tomato juice since the previous school year - she almost forgot how much she liked. Cath didn't even know why she liked it.

"He usually works on East Campus," Cath replied once she was done with her drink. "We don't usually work in the same buildings."

Wren tilted her head like she was considering something. "He's a senior this year, right?"

Cath nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

Wren seemed thoughtful. "Nothing . . . it's just, once he graduates and moves back home to manage the ranges and everything, what's gonna happen?"

Cath abruptly stopped eating and started fidgeting her fingers beneath the table. Cath had thought about it - kinda. She hadn't wanted herself to, so she hadn't put more than a moment or two of thought into it. But she knew that something was going to need to change. Lincoln wasn't exactly full of ranges, and it would be hard for Levi to find work relative to his degree here. And Cath had her life in Omaha, which presented the same problems. And Levi had a family, and he may or may not have claim to the ranch that he already works on with his family.

So Cath didn't really want to answer.

"We have a year. We don't need to think about it yet," Cath said, going back to her food.

"You have nine months," Wren corrected. "And sometimes you need to think about things like that."

Cath rolled her eyes, but she knew Wren was right. She didn't have a plan for when Levi finished college. Instead of thinking about it, though, she just took another drink of tomato juice and shrugged.

"Suit yourself," Wren mumbled. But she didn't say anything else about it, and they finished breakfast making pleasant conversation.

* * *

Reagan kicked the door open. That was something that Cath hadn't missed when she was home for the summer.

"Hey," Reagan said. "Help me with my boxes?"

Cath shrugged. "Sure." Reagan looked around, confused, after she set down her box. "Where's Levi?"

"At work."

"Oh," was all Reagan said. "I didn't realize how early I was." Reagan just walked out, Cath following.

"Why were you early?"

Reagan just shrugged. "This is my last year here. And my first year with a roommate I actually enjoy."

"Last year you had a roommate you actually enjoyed," Cath pointed out.

"No I didn't," Reagan said. Cath and Reagan got into the elevator. "You were a different person then."

Cath raised her eyebrows - she wished she could have raised just one, but she couldn't. Wren could do it flawlessly. "How was I a _different person_?"

Reagan shrugged. "You were a freshman. You never would have dated a junior, and you never would have thought there was a world where you could actually get a junior to date you." Reagan was using a beat-up little car with hardly enough room for all of her stuff. Cath had used the car a few times, but evidently, it had gotten worse over the summer.

"I am not that different," Cath said, but knew it was true. She just felt like arguing with Reagan, like she always used to do. It felt good. Normal.

"Whatever," Reagan said, obviously claiming victory in her head. "Help me get set up."


	2. Chapter 2

"Class starts tomorrow, you know. If we don't go out soon, you'll only have a few hours of sleep."

Cath thought about Levi's words, then decided to shift further into her blankets as a reply. But she knew he was right; he was the one who planned the date, and the only one who knew where they were going. Cath grumbled and held herself up, leaning all of the weight of her upper body on her arms. 

"Should I change?" she asked. Levi smiled and shook his head. "Okay, where are we going?"

"The shuttle. Over to East Campus."

Levi basically dragged Cath out of the room and into the elevator. They went to the shuttle, and Cath had a pretty good idea where they were going. Levi was practically bouncing in his seat. The last time Cath and Levi had been here together, Cath made sure there was a respectable distance between them. This time, Cath hardly thought twice about the fact that their legs were touching, and they were holding hands. Levi told the shuttle driver to have a nice day when they got off.

"The little garden," Cath breathed as they approached it, and Levi nodded, smiling excitedly. It had been winter when Levi and Cath had gone on their first date, so there had been practically nothing alive in the garden. But now, it was blooming with life: wildflowers and native grasses, an array of colors across a wide expanse of area. Cath and Levi walked down it, looking at the flowers.

"I told you it was beautiful," Levi said. Cath smiled a little; she could practically hear Levi's smile. Actually, she could hear Levi's smile - it made his voice breathier and louder and all together better. Then he walked up and hugged Cath from behind. "Not as beautiful as you."

Cath blushed; she couldn't help it. "And nowhere near as beautiful as you." Then Levi smiled wider, and Cath wondered if Levi could ever react to anything in any way but smiling.

"Is this what we're doing all night?" Levi asked, and Cath turned to look at him.

"This is all you had planned?" she asked.

Levi grinned. "I like to go with the flow. And I hate to plan things out."

Cath just smiled. "I haven't eaten yet. So . . . food?" Levi grinned in reply and held her hand as they went back to the shuttle. "You can pick where we go. I don't know many places." Levi's smile widened, and Cath wondered how many times it would do that.

"Okay," Levi said.

"Okay," Cath said.

* * *

 

"Cather, how do you like burgers?"

Cath shrugged. They walked up to a restaurant that had a big sign that read _P.O. Pears_. Cath didn't know what to think, so to just nodded at it.

"This place has really good burgers. You have to try. I was actually telling you about it, the first day I met you. They still have burgers bigger than your fist."

Cath vaguely recalled that, then felt bad that she didn't remember and Levi did. "How do you remember things like that?" she asked him.

"All of the brain cells that are supposed to go to reading go to memorizing things. I've told you this." Cath just smiled and rolled her eyes.

"It's . . . loud," Cath said as they walked in. There was a band playing with old music inside. It was crowded, but not too uncomfortably so. _For Wren_ , Cath thought, this _would be nothing_.

"We can go if it's too much," Levi said. "I just thought this would be a good idea." Cath stayed put.

"I want to try, at least. And I want to see these burgers that you've been telling me about for a year now."

Levi grinned - this was exactly one year after they met. Cath wondered if he knew, then figured that with a memory like his, he had to have remembered.

"I was wondering if you'd realized." Cath smiled, a real smile, not a grin because Levi just told a bad joke. A smile that would last far longer than her lips staying in their curled position would.

"You think even I wouldn't remember something like that?" Cath asked. "That, I think, was the first day my life truly changed." And Levi smiled at her again.

"Are you getting the burger?" Cath asked, suddenly desperate to change the subject, because it didn't feel right to be talking about that in front of a crowd - even a small crowd.

"Well, it is bigger than your fist."

* * *

"How'd it go?" Reagan asked when Cath got back. She and Levi had just been making out in the hallway, so she was still a little giddy. Levi would have come in with her were it not for Reagan.

"Good," Cath said. "We went to Pears. Levi wasn't lying when he said the burger was bigger than my fist."

Reagan shrugged. "Still obsessed with Simon Snow?" she asked. Cath shrugged. "Ugh. After the last one came out, I was hoping that you'd be done with it."

"There's no such thing as _done with Simon Snow_ ," Cath said. "They haven't even released the seventh movie yet, then they have to start worrying about the eighth."

"Will you be done with it then?" Reagan asked, sitting down in her bed, seeming to get comfortable for the night.

"Nope. no such thing. Even you'll never truly be done with Simon Snow. You'll see every movie, you'll hear about what the actors do, you'll read every other book by Gemma T. Leslie. Simon Snow is like a gift that keeps on giving."

Reagan rolled her eyes. "Okay," she said, turning off the lamp next to her as Cath sat down on her bed and opened her laptop. "Well, I think I'm going to ask for the gift receipt for the gift." Then she closed her eyes and went to bed.

Cath wrote a thousand words that night before her phone started ringing. She stepped into the hall to avoid waking Reagan and answered.

"Levi, we saw each other half an hour ago."

He was grinning. "Yes, and now I'm going to bed, and I wanted to say goodnight."

And Cath was grinning, too. "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight, Cather."

"Is that all you wanted to say?"

"Well . . . also that I had a good time tonight. And that I love you."

"I love you too, Levi. Is that all?"

"Geez, Cather, you sound like you want to hang up."

At the start of this call, Cath hadn't wanted to go to bed, but now she felt inexplicably tired. "I don't, Levi. Just kinda tired."

"This is college. We all are."

Cath laughed. "I literally hear partying outside of Pound Hall right now."

"And there's a party going on in the bottom floor of my house right now. I meant _we_ as in the _sane people_."

Cath laughed again. "Is that all?"

"Yes, Cather - you can hang up on me now if you want."

"I don't _want_ ; I never _want_." She was smiling, but not because she was amused, but because she was happy. She leaned against her door.

"Me neither."

"Goodnight, Levi."

"Goodnight, Cather."

* * *

 

"Welcome to advanced fiction-writing. You all know me, and you all have taken my fiction-writing class, so hopefully I don't have to go over all of my expectations with you. But there is one question that I asked you last time that I want to ask again, just to see how the answers change. So: Why do we write fiction?"

Cath had a million answers, and so did everyone else in the class. "To get out the crazy." "To let in the crazy." "Because we don't have enough time during dinner to tell our families everything." "Because our families don't like us playing video games all day."

 _Because we can't deal with reality. Because we can't deal with life. Because we can't deal with_ our _reality. Because we can't deal with_ our _life._

Answers sprang to mind like buds out of fresh spring soil. She didn't know what to say, didn't know if she wanted to say it. Professor Piper had given Cath an _A_ on her final paper for her fiction-writing class, after Cath had finished it just before the freshman year ended. Cath had a good grade in this class the first time, and Cath still wasn't sure of speaking up. Levi - or Nick - would have done it without hesitation.

Cath never would have taken this class if Nick hadn't taken it last year. Nick . . . Cath didn't even want to think about it. Nick had stolen Cath's work, used it as his own, even if she was just an _editor_ to him. And then he had gotten an award for his work, but he wasn't allowed to use it without being a coauthor with Cath, and when Cath declined, Cath finally felt some closure. She didn't need to work with him to be great.

Still, she didn't want to see his face.

"Because we can always go back," one girl said from the back of class. "We can run away for as long as we like, as far away as we like, but we can always come back."

_Because we don't have to come back._

Cath wasn't Levi, and she certainly wasn't Nick. So Cath didn't feel like she needed to answer.

"I have one," Professor Piper said from the front of class. "Your answers were all amazing, and most of them were spot on. But what if we write simply because we write."

It wasn't phrased like a question, and Cath didn't think Professor Piper would want to ask questions.

"What if we don't write for any specific reason. What if we just write because we write. Because the characters are there in your mind, and you want to put them on paper. What if we write for no reason other than to write."

The room was silent. No one spoke.

"Just something to think about," Professor Piper said. "Anyway, let's get started on the lesson."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for how many times this says "Levi smiled" or "Levi grinned" or something to the sorts. I have no clue how to avoid using those terms and still convey my message.


	3. Chapter 3

"What are you writing about, Cather?" Levi asked, stepping into Cath's room. "Gay fanfiction?"

Cath shielded her laptop screen. "No. Something for advanced-fiction writing."

"Ah," he said. "Well, that's okay. I can work with that, no matter what you wrote. Read to me."

"Read to you?" Cath protectively held her laptop to her chest, making it impossible for Levi to read the screen.

"Yeah. Read to me. You've done it a million times before, and besides, I've never heard any of your original work. So, read to me."

"Read to you," Cath repeated. She loosened her laptop, but it didn't matter; Levi was laying across her bed, eyes closed and chin resting back, waiting to hear the reading. Cath sat at her desk, fidgeting with the Simon Snow figurine on her desk. But she didn't attempt to argue.

 _"Matthew felt like . . . ,"_ Cath started.

"Wait, wait, wait. What's the prompt?"

"Oh," was all Cath said. "Piper showed us a picture of a guy, and we had to create a story around him. This is kinda about creating a character that has a thorough personality, that matches their clothes with their experiences." She brought up the picture and showed Levi, who looked attentively. It was a guy with brown hair, a nice white-and-blue plaid shirt, skinny jeans, and tennis shoes. He sat crisscrossed.

"Okay," Levi said, leaning back. "Proceed."

"Okay," Cath said, taking a breath.

* * *

_Matthew felt like a douche bag._

_His boyfriend had initially insisted on him wearing this to meet his family, but he felt like a douche bag. Not because his clothes were bad - he wasn't wearing, like, a wallet chain or anything - but he felt deceiving, lying. Like he couldn't wear his normal jeans and T-shirts. Like he wasn't good enough, so he at least pretended to be._

_"Hello, Mr. Wilson, Mrs. Wilson," he said when he stepped in the house. Evan was already inside, but he didn't walk up to greet Matthew, like he normally would. His parents were still kinda iffy on the whole boy-boy thing._

_"Matthew," Evan's mom said with a smile. "We've heard a lot about you. I'm glad to finally meet you."_

_The family seemed nice enough, but that only made Matthew feel like more of a douche bag._

_Evan and Matthew finally stood next to each other as they walked to the living room. "Don't be so tense," Evan whispered to Matthew. "You need to calm down."_

_"How can I calm down when I feel so fake?" Matthew asked. Evan gave him an apologetic look and shrugged._

_"You have to try, at least."_

_Matthew half-grunted a reply and they sat down in the living room. They sat side-by-side - not touching, not even their knees touched, and Evan looked down between his legs while Matthew looked at a nice lamp._

_"Well, Matthew, we've heard how important you are to our son," the dad said. Matthew could definitely feel a good-cop/bad-cop thing coming on. That, specifically, didn't bother him, just that Evan's parents felt the need to go good-cop/bad-cop. Like he was being interrogated._

_"Yes," Matthew finally decided on answering. "And your son's become very important to me." Matthew immediately regretted using the words "your son" - it made it sound like Evan couldn't make his own decisions, which he knew was the opposite of the truth. Evan had already guaranteed that his parents couldn't split them up._

_"What's for dinner?" Evan asked after a moment of silence._

_His dad looked at him and said, "Lasagna."_

_Matthew hated lasagna._

* * *

 

"Why'd you stop?" Levi asked.

"I haven't gotten further than that," Cath answered.

"Why haven't you gotten further than that?" He sat up, leaning on his too-long arms with his back hunched. He was too short for the bed, which Cath thought was an adorably _Levi_ thing.

"I started, like, twenty minutes before you got here. I didn't have a good idea for, like five of those minutes, and I restarted twice. I think I did pretty good for that much."

Levi grinned. "Well, if you aren't going to read to me, you might as well get over here."

Cath smiled, too, despite herself. "I can't. One of the group rules with Reagan was no PDA and I don't know when she's coming back."

"You and me both know that there's a fifty percent chance she isn't going to sleep in this room."

Cath grinned, and climbed into bed next to Levi. He was cool against her skin, and he seemed so happy. He was grinning - not that that was a particularly big revelation - and Cath just wanted to be with him. Not in any way more than that - just with him. Cuddling with him, sleeping with him. Like that first night. . . .

Cath thought about that first night a lot.

She thought about a lot of things involving Levi a lot - like whenever she passed a field with bison in it - but that first night had been one of the best nights yet. Where he was warm and she was cold, where his lips pushed against hers for the first time. The first out of many.

"Kiss me," Cath said, after she thought about it.

And Levi smiled - then he did it. And it felt so good, and so nice, and so . . .

"Do it again."

* * *

"You've spent how many nights with him?"

Cath counted on her fingers - four last school year, one over the summer (it hadn't been intentional, Levi and Cath both ended up falling asleep on the couch after Levi suggested a Simon Snow movie marathon), and then once last night. "Six times."

Wren rolled her eyes. "By the time I had spent two nights with Jandro I had slept with him three times." Cath raised her eyebrows. "Oh, you know what I mean. Don't get technical with me just to avoid me talking about this."

Cath rolled her eyes - but knew her sister was right. Not that she should have sex with Levi. (She wasn't wrong about that, either, though. There's no right or wrong when it comes to that stuff.) Her sister was right about he avoiding the conversation. Wren didn't push it a lot, but she did make comments like this.

"Why do you push so much?" she asked Wren. Wren shrugged, taking a bite of oatmeal.

"I guess . . . If you don't do this now, you may lose him. And then you'll have a lot of regret. And even if they aren't correlated, you know, you'll always wonder. Levi's obviously ready. In the nicest way possible, you might want to start thinking about getting ready yourself." Cath crossed her arms, and Wren continued, "How was your first day of sophomore year?"

The conversation was over, and Cath and Wren weren't going to argue about it. Yet. Cath knew that this could turn into something much bigger - and she knew that it would if Cath didn't do something more soon.

Not that she didn't think of it . . .

All the time.

"Good," Cath said. "Yours?"

"Good," Wren said, and Cath felt the conversation come to a stand-still.

"Do you want to go out later? We can invite Reagan and Levi. You can invite Jandro, too."

Wren shrugged. "Sure, but where would we go? I'm not allowed to step foot in a bar, and I doubt you would want to."

"I don't know. Bowling?" Wren laughed. "What's so funny? I've been bowling. The bowling alley's pretty cool. Levi and Reagan are both pretty good at it, because, evidently,there isn't much to do in Arnold except bowl."

"No, it's just . . . you bowling. I don't think you're much of a bowler. I'd love to go bowling. What time?" Cath shrugged; she's have to talk to Levi and Reagan, and Wren would have to talk to Jandro about it.

"Sometime between four and nine." Wren nodded.

"You know, I think this is going to be a good year," Wren said, stacking her dishes on top of each other. "I can smell it in the air."

Cath laughed. "There are a lot of things you can smell in the air, Wren. I don't think the quality of the year is one of them." But Wren just grinned.

"Sometimes, you don't smell with your nose. Sometimes you smell with your heart."

And Cath didn't doubt her on that; she just thought that maybe her heart smelled something different.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

"You know, you're the one who suggested we all go bowling; you might as well enjoy it." Levi was taking his turn at bowling; they were three turns in and Levi had a perfect score. Cath had knocked down 18 pins in total. Wren sat next to Cath while Jandro got beer for himself, Levi, and Reagan.

"I am enjoying it; it's just hard to seem like it. This is fun; we should do it more often. I'm just tired and miss my bed." Cath pulled her cardigan further around her; it was cold in the bowling alley and she couldn't help thinking about how her bed was definitely not cold.

"Well, you could at least try to seem like you're enjoying it. If it helps, think about how you aren't a third wheel anymore." Wren slyly gestured to Reagan, who sat next to Levi, trying her best to make him mess up.

"Hey, come on. It's not her fault. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would have come with her." Actually, Cath was absolutely positive of that. Reagan was seeing three or four guys at any given time; finding them never seemed to be a problem.

Wren rolled her eyes and got up to take her turn as Levi finished his turn (with a perfect score, despite Reagan's best efforts). Levi quickly replaced Wren.

"Your turn's up next," Levi said. "If you try really hard, you can still beat . . ." Levi paused to scan the scoreboard. "You can still beat Jandro." Jandro was up by seven points, and Cath really sucked, so she doubted that.

"Thanks for the encouragement, but you and I both know that isn't going to happen." Levi smiled and tugged Cath up as Wren finished up with her turn.

"Come on; I'll help you." Levi grabbed Cath's ball for her like it was nothing. Cath supposed that it was nothing for him; he used a fourteen pound bowling ball while she used an eight pound ball, which was still a little too heavy for her. He passed the ball to her, their fingers fumbling at the holes, and Cath took her spot at the end of the lane. Levi came up behind her.

"You drop it in a curved motion, you don't throw it," Levi was telling her, but Cath didn't really hear until a moment later. Levi guided her arm a few times, and Cath could feel his breath at the top of her head.

"Thanks," Cath said, and Levi walked away. Cath took another moment before throwing the ball. The first time, she got five pins. On the second try, she got three more, giving her an all-time high for the number of pins knocked down in one turn.

"That's my girl!" Levi said, sticking his hands up triumphantly and walking in a victory lap around their lane. Cath was grinning; Levi was beaming. Levi went up to Cath and hugged her. "See? I told you you could do it."

"Anyone hungry?" Reagan asked just as Jandro started his turn. "Because I'm hungry."

Wren, Jandro, and Cath were all nodding, but Levi just sat back down.

"I'm good," he said, and Cath never thought that she would see the day where Levi wasn't up for food. He was always up for food; he seemed to have a bottomless stomach. Before Cath could say anything, he said, "I had a big lunch."

Reagan, however, was already off to the counter, and Cath ran to catch up with her.

"You're better than you were last year," was all she said after ordering three things of nachos with orange cheese.

"Doesn't feel that way," Cath muttered, and then said at full volume, "Thank you." Because, unlike Wren, Reagan was pointing out her improvement instead of pointing out how she could improve.

"You still suck at being social, and you're awkward as shit, but you're better, so that's good." The nachos came out and they carried them back to the lane.

Cath didn't feel very hungry, but she picked at them, eating more than Levi.

"You're not yourself," she said to him. He looked at her and grinned.

"I'm always me," he assured Cath. "Sometimes I just change a little. Nothing's wrong with that." And nothing was; it wasn't a huge deal, and Cath knew that, but it felt like a bigger deal than it was.

"Yeah, I know," she responded with. Jandro was going, and Wren was cheering him on. Reagan sat alone, picking at nachos.

"Reagan? Hey, Reagan, did you know that my mom is very happy now that we're just friends?" Levi asked, walking over to her. Cath wondered why Reagan didn't know that; Reagan and Levi talked to hardly anyone in their town due to a significant lack of people to talk to. Cath imagined that Reagan and Levi talked more than her and Levi over the summer.

"Really?" Reagan asked. Cath walked over to sit next to Levi, staying a respectable distance away from him in front of Reagan.

"Yeah. She's on much better terms with you now. She's not huge with Cath, but she likes that she lives four hours away instead of twenty minutes." Reagan smiled.

"Well, she still doesn't like me."

Levi smiled. "No, she doesn't. Sorry."

* * *

 "That was fun," Levi said after the bowling alley. He had driven Wren and Cath home, and Wren had gone up to her floor already. Currently, they were standing outside of Pound Hall, room 913, dreading when Levi would have to go back to his house and Cath would have to go into her dorm.

"With you, everything's fun." Cath smiled, though, and Levi leaned into her.

"I sometimes feel like you're afraid of a little positivity, Cather." His breath smelled like fruity gum.

"That's not what I meant."

Levi raised one eyebrow. "Really? What did you mean?"

Cath leaned into him, and their noses were nearly touching. "I mean that every time I'm with you, I feel like i can have fun in the first time in a million years. Every time I'm with you, I feel like I'm experiencing something that no one's ever felt before."

His dark blond hair practically fell into her eyes. "Cather, I have to say . . ." He paused dramatically, his baby blue eyes finally meeting hers. "I feel that way too." He leaned in to kiss her, and she closed her eyes as his soft lips met hers.

He was gone before she opened her eyes again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote this in like two hours so tell me if I made any errors (grammatically or canonically) and give me a kudos if you enjoy :). This is a pretty fluffy chapter so have fun with it.

"How many roommates do you have this year?" Cath asked Levi. Every year, the number of people living in the house changed, and then it was unreliable because people could move out or have their significant other move in . . . But at the beginning of the year, it would be pretty dependable.

"Twelve," Levi responded. Cath would have been in disbelief had it not been for the fact that the year before, there was a max number of eighteen people.

"It looks the same," Cath said, scanning the living area. It wasn't a party, but there was plenty of people. There was always more people than Cath liked in the house. That's why Cath and Levi spent all their time in his room. Even if the room was small, it was quiet. It felt like you could do anything, be anywhere, and you could still be in the bedroom.

"That will change by the end of the year," Levi said, taking Cath away from her thoughts. "There will be new dishes, a new couch, new plants courtesy of the botany major we just gained, new art, we might have a dog or a cat or a feral hamster. This house has seen it all."

Cath didn't respond. What was there to respond with? She just said, "Let's go back up to your room."

Levi nodded and smiled. Always smiling. Always laughing and nodding and being happier than Cath could ever.

They trekked up the stairs, going down hallways and passing doors that Cath would never know who lived in that room. Finally, they got to the bedroom.

They sat on his couch at first, not touching but not far apart either.

"This room is boring," Levi said. Cath raised her eyebrows.

"Yes?" Cath asked, unsure of what to say. Levi's eyebrows were raised, like Cath should understand what he meant when he said that.

"I just think . . . it wouldn't be as boring if I had posters."

Now Cath raised her eyebrows. "You want posters?" she asked, though that was fairly evident. He had said it right there.

"Yes," he answered. "More specifically, I want Simon Snow pictures. Do you think you can spare a few?" he asked. He slowly shifted over to her, probably trying to be sly, but Cath didn't miss the fact that their legs were now touching. She softly scooted towards him, too.

"I think I can do that," Cath answered. She was already thinking. She could give him one of the official movie posters, though they weren't right - Baz's eyes were more blue than gray, which was odd, considering the actor's real eye color was brown. And his hair was wavy, even though Simon described a countless amount of times that his hair was straight. And she could give him the picture of Agatha that she had never liked - not that she had much liked Agatha. And that picture of Penny, that she had never had the confidence to put up in the midst of the other, more mediocre posters, but never found room for it on her corkboard of the best posters at home, so it remained in her closet.

"Thank you, Cather," Levi said to her, finally leaning all the way in. He towered over her, and he had to bend his head just to kiss her.

Cath remembered the first time they kissed on this couch, in this room - not that this couch had ever been anywhere else. Before Cath had met Levi, she had a skewed version of how kissing should feel - it had always been hesitant, even after the first kiss. It had always been hard. It had always been like what it was with Abel. And then, with Levi, she realized how wrong she had been. At first, they all  _had_ been hesitant. Now, they were as natural as breathing. Now, it felt like she was breathing underwater, but with gills. Like she had wings and was flying in space.

Then Levi was leaning into her and she was running her hands through his hair, making its messy state even worse. He was beautiful. Goddammit, he was beautiful, and Cath loved him so much, and she was ready--

"Cath," Levi said, breaking the kiss and leaning back to his side of the couch. "I think we should stop."

Cath leaned back into him, not wanting to stop. They hadn't discussed it, but Cath couldn't imagine a world where Levi wasn't ready. Maybe she shouldn't have been thinking like that, but it was true. She loved Levi. He loved her. She wanted to do this.

"No," Cath said, running her fingers through his hair. His hair wasn't soft, but Cath was addicted to running her fingers through it. "I want to do this." She leaned back into him, trying to kiss him again. He pulled back further, and Cath gave up. He was too tall for her to lean into him successfully.

" _Cath_ ," he breathed heavily. "We need to stop."

His voice sounded so final; Cath's heart sank to her stomach. To the bottom, acidic pit in her stomach. Cath sat up, not meeting his eyes, instead focusing them somewhere on his chest.

"Cath," he said. "I love you so much."

Cath didn't know what to say. She said nothing.

"It's not that I don't want to do this," he said. "I've wanted to do this since--" Cath looked him in his eyes, unsure of what to think. "That was a bad thing to say, and I'm not going to finish the sentence. I love you, Cather. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I need you to know that."

Maybe in one of her fanfictions, the protagonist wouldn't believe it. But Cath wasn't a character in her fanfiction, and it really did help. Levi didn't just lie about that. He lied about somethings, but not a lot. He lied about whether he read books to his teachers. He lied about whether he fell asleep or not while Cath was reading to him on the phone. He lied white lies, lies that wouldn't hurt anyone. Cath knew that he wouldn't lie about love, especially not when he could feel it coming out in waves from him.

"It's just that I really don't feel like I can," Levi said. "I have a stomach ache. I feel sick."

Cath sighed. Again, Levi said, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Cath told Levi sharply. "You feel sick; that's not your fault. I love you no matter what." There was a pause. "No matter when." Cath leaned back into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He rested his head on hers. "Are you okay?" she finally asked. The least she could do was take care of him if he was sick.

He nodded. "I honestly think I just need to lie down." So he did. He mostly seemed fine - maybe he was a little dizzy, but fine nonetheless. It was a short walk from the couch to the bed. It was a short walk from  _anywhere_ to  _anywhere_ in the room.

"Do you need something?" Cath asked. "Some water, maybe?"

He shook his head. He was so out of it, and it was only six. Cath sat on the spot next to him.

Then she laid down and went to bed. She was tired too.

* * *

 

Cath woke up the next morning with Levi facing her. He was still sleeping, and Cath checked her phone to make sure that it wasn't too late for her first class. She still had an hour, an a text from Reagan, which she quickly responded to, saying that she spent the night at Levi's. Reagan didn't respond, but that was expected, considering that she wouldn't wake up until at least eight-thirty, but more like somewhere in the nine-to-ten range if she could help it.

She took the time to study Levi's face. He was tanner than he had been, and his hair was blonder. Cath wondered how he worked outside all day, in the heat. He smelled like Irish Spring, like always, but he still smelled more earthy. Almost like tea leaves. Cath rested her hand on his cheek to see if he was warm - and then kept it there because the skin on his cheek was soft. His hands were calloused year-round, unlike the other trademarks of his work on his family range. The skin on his cheek was soft - perhaps not as soft as other people's, due to sun damage, but soft nonetheless.

He didn't have a fever, at least. Cath wondered if he had a stomach bug, or maybe food poisoning.

His eyes popped open, a sudden amount of baby blue on his tan skin. He smiled as he woke up.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

Cath smiled, too. "Good morning. Are you feeling better?"

"Much."

"That's good."

"It is."

There was nothing else to say; Cath just looking into his bottomless eyes. Then she thought about the opposite of "bottomless," because his eyes weren't a dark pit, they were an endless sky opening up just for Cath.

Cath sat up, looking around. His small window let in the sunlight. It was six-thirty, because Cath went to bed around six-thirty the night before. In fact, she had slept for a really long time. Levi sat up too, and Cath had to admit that he looked better. She hadn't even realized how bad he had looked last night, blinded by her sudden want. She had never experienced anything like that before.

"About last night . . . ," Levi said. "Just so you know, it probably wouldn't have happened anyway."

Cath looked at him, bringing her knees to her chest, and raised her eyebrows. "And why is that?" she asked.

"I don't have a condom."

There are a lot of things that Cath would only find funny coming from Levi, and that was one of them. She smiled and leaned into Levi, who wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm glad it didn't happen," Cath said, not really talking to Levi, but rather just thinking aloud. "I don't think I would have wanted that to be our first time."

Cath didn't say  _my_ first time, because she didn't want to bring it up. It wasn't like it was a secret that she was a virgin - Wren, Reagan, and Levi all knew - but it was something that she didn't want to discuss just because it was true.

"Do you want to?" Levi asked.

" _Yes_." She did - she hadn't even known how badly she had wanted to. She wondered if Wren's words affected her at all. She wondered if Wren was the reason she was so eager.

"We can," Levi said. "But I want to do it right. I don't want to do it where anyone could walk in and see us, or hear us through the walls."

"Anyone can walk in?" Cath asked.

"Yes. The lock on the door never worked, as far as I know."

"That's comforting."

"Anyway, Cather, I don't want to do it here."

"Where do you want to do it?" Cath asked. She understood not wanting to do it here, but where would they do it? Her dorm, just put a sock on the handle? One of their homes?

"I don't know," Levi said. "But not here."

"Okay," Cath said. "We won't do it here."

There was a silence. Cath was still buried in Levi's chest.

"Do you want breakfast?" she asked. Cath looked up to Levi's grinning face.

"Yes, but I don't want to waste the eggs for  _two_ omelets this time." Cath smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I actually abandoned this project for a while. But I looked at it recently and saw a comment asking me to continue and it kinda gave me a reason to continue so I looked at it again and decided that it had a lot of potential. I'm going to try to finish, but I don't know if I will. Either way, I'm taking a hiatus for writing original works during the summer, so this will be good. I also want to write like four other fanfics, so let's see how long I keep this up.
> 
> By the way, this book may be really short, but I'm trying my hardest to make it good and hopefully emotional (though I suck at emotional writing). Give feedback, please! Tell me if I'm wrong, on the canon (I started writing this right after rereading Fangirl, and now it's been a few months), tell me if you think something could be improved. I want to work casually on this, but I still want it to be good.
> 
> Also: I started working on this before reading Landline, and I just want you to know that they have separate canons. This isn't connected to Landline.


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